Friday, June 9, 2023

    Fifty and Divorced, how to move on.

    Divorce! It’s the one thing that no one thinks about in the early years of marriage, some may never experience this feeling at all, but at some point, every couple hits a non-functional phase that needs to be worked on. Some do get it back on track and some just keep on moving.

    There are so many reasons why couples to end a relationship that started with dreams and hopes. The Divorce rates continue to go up, is it because it’s easier to move on just because no one is trying anymore? or is it that everyone has become so independent or simply because divorce no longer carries the stigma it once did. Whatever the reason, no-one makes the decision to get divorced at this stage lightly. In most cases, the decision has been a lengthy process, not a single event. Let blame and bitterness go

    It is pretty normal to feel anger and blame everything and everyone. No matter who initiated the split, it’s important to recognize the futility of blame. It doesn’t change anything. And by holding on to anger or bitterness, the only person you are damaging is yourself.

    Many people underestimate the impact of their divorce on their adult children. It can affect them just as much as young children, at times even more so. They may question their upbringing, their very sense of identity, wondering if it were all a lie. Even if there a noticeable mistake made by one parent. Perhaps they feel compelled to be mediators, or a shoulder to cry on. There may be anger, confusion, and grief, even if they know the wrongdoing they still do not want to take sides. They might need more time to adjust than you do, this is harder on them then on anyone, so be respectful and remember their feelings.

    Recognize that this is out of your hands. You cannot control what your ex-spouse or anyone else says, thinks or does – but you can control your reactions. Remind yourself that if they decide to be bitter, or angry, that’s their decision. It needn’t stop you from moving on with your life. If you are the one who was left, except that you can’t change what’s past – but the future is entirely in your hands.

    It’s easy to see your past marriage through a negative lens. Words such as “failure” or “waste” may be cropping up in your mind over and over. Thinking like this is not only pointless, it’s harmful for your mental health! It will only prevent you from moving on and making the most of your future.

    Things will be very different in the new household, especially when you know have to do things that each spouse was responsible for. For some maybe keeping up with the bills on time, for others is taking care of the house, and also taking turns with the children, that now has a split holiday time with each parent.

    Getting started again can be intimidating or overwhelming. Sure it was fun and easy go on dates in the early part of our lives, we were young and less demanding, now we know or so we think that we know better, therefore not a lot will get passed unnoticed. After all, we are over 50, wiser for sure, but a few more scars as well.

    Now that you are single you might have a lot more time to experience new things, go on a cruise, concerts, movies, move around and see what makes your heart sing. Try something new every day, take a dance lesson, art classes, being active is important

    Recapturing your sense of independence and adventure is key to leaving the past behind – and making the most of whatever lies ahead. The path is clear and you can create whatever life you desire.

    Be brave, be bold, be daring, be happy.

    Other Articles